OMG Holiday Party = 1, Jon Boy = -1
This video kind of sums up how I currently feel. And now, for last night’s story…
Yesterday was the official OMG Holiday party. We had the 2nd floor of LaSalle Power Company all to ourselves as well as an open bar for about 3 or 4 hours. Putting a bunch of over-worked, under-paid advertising chattels all in one room with all the alcohol one can drink is a recipe for awesomeness, a good time, at least 1 person crying, awful dancing, and people hitting on each other that really shouldn’t be doing so, among other things.
The party itself was a hit, followed by the after-party at English where we crashed/took over a UofM alumni event on the 3rd floor. I tried to protect them (alumni) from the OSU snobs and other big ten haters in the room, but was unsuccessful for by this point in the evening, I was past the point of no return. It was also at this point in the evening that I hit that certain, special wall where your body and mind work in one glorious last-ditch effort saying “you need to go home…now.” Thus, my departure from English before many of my other fellow Thralls.
I split a cab with someone and arrive home to my mother, sister, and roommate watching the comedy smash hit “Jingle All The Way.” Yes, I failed to mention that my mother and sister came into town yesterday as well. This presents a small predicament as I now have to try to sober up very quickly in order to not make as ass out of myself; this I think I pulled of fairly well, though I suppose you’ll have to ask Pete about that to get an accurate assessment.
After an hour or so, I bid my family adieu and said hello to the comfortable sanctuary that is my bed. This is where things become very hazzey…
Somewhere between 1am and 3am (i think) nature calls and I must stumble my way to the little boys room. Unfortunately I got up way too quickly and began to get one of those “all the blood is leaving my head because i stood up too quickly” blackouts. I reach wildly to hold onto something sturdy until my vision returns, but latch onto the one thing in our bathroom that is incredibly unstable; the floor-standing shelving above our toilet.
Almost immediately after “securing” my position, the shelving leans forward and most of the items living on this metal frame of awful come crashing down upon me and the floor, making very loud and suspicious bangs and crashes. Fortunately no one awoke (i think) and I was able to clean it up to the best of my 1/2 awake, drunken ability, which means that I just shoved things upon the shelves, hoping nothing broke.
I finally attend to nature’s insisting and nagging voice and believe I’m in the clear. This was a horrible miscalculation on my part.
I stumble back into my room, aim vaguely for my bed and immediatly trip over my humidifier and come crashing down faster than the ratings on a Vin Deisal movie. But don’t worry, my face broke the fall. I lay on the floor for what I am guessing was about 1 minute contemplating A) what just happened B) why is my lip bleeding and C) could i just sleep here in this position until morning. I decide C is probably not a good option, get up, and go back to bed.
The fun really began when I could no longer sleep and eventually got up for the morning. I investigate my surroundings and immegiatly notice that there is blood on my sheets. Apparently I thought it would be a good idea to use my white, cotton sheets to stop the blood from oozing out of my now very fat, very swollen lip. I think sit up and immediately fall back onto the bed as terrible shooting pain is running up the left side of my neck. After careful inspection by my expert doctor skills, I decide this is just sore muscles and it must be from the swan dive i took a few hours prior.
I manage to turn on the shower when i realize my left shoulder (already injured from a lovely blind hit some jack-ass layed upon me at Hockey a month ago) is painful to the touch. I can’t get a good look at it as my neck is only operating at 35% rotation, so I find the morror. There is a very large, bruised line that I can only conclude came from falling into my bookcase. I do not remember hitting the bookcase, though I know I was need it when I got up, so I must assume that the shelf holding my quest for knowledge is the culprit.
The last and final marking I find is on my shin. A sizable, bruised cut on my shin due from the humidifier.
Needless to say, I’m in rough shape today and I look like I have herpes of the mouth. All-in-all, I’d say it was a successful holiday party. Work today is going to be super fun…
